Blackmarx.com

In the New Year

Tue, 6 Jan 2009 10:28:53 -0500

In the New Year

In the New Year, I promise
to live with no fear.

New Challenges will come
And I promise to face them.

To take them on and not
Be afraid.

Because that is when
Character is made.

I promise to try new things,
even if it scares me.

To do things people thought
I couldnt do.

Surprise and wow them, like
never before!

Run Through every open door.

I promise to love with all
my heart.

Not take for granted the people
I love most.

To care about all that they
do and everything they
Go through.

To be a friend when they
Need it most.

~Alyssa

Evening Walk

Sun, 7 Sep 2008 20:09:52 -0400

I took a stroll to clear my thoughts
Over the hill where the cattle walks
Finally away from the noise I hear
It was then that I finally felt the tears

The salty sadness flowing down
Past my cheeks, over my frown
Crickets chirping as the sun gently sets
I stare at the clouds, feel my regrets

The wrong paths I continue to turn
The major one where I never learn
I stand and stare at the grassy knoll
The cool breeze starts to take its toll

Cheeks are red from the tears and cold
Yet I continue to stand, refuse to fold
How I crave to lift up float away
From this world I know every day

The desire to leave becomes so strong
But then theres a voice tells me Im wrong
I just wonder what more I can possibly take
I already live with the choices I make

Im told my euphoria doesnt exist
Isnt that just a cruel sick little twist
Why continue on if that is the fact
Parading around this stupid act

Composed now I turn and go home
A final prayer to finally be shown
The path I should follow to continue on
So I no longer wish to only be gone

My Wish for You

Fri, 5 Sep 2008 00:11:05 -0400

I want to take away your pain, your stress, your strife
I want to fill you with joy, love, complete your life
You deserve so much more than what you currently live
Never have you received, you just continue to give

Selfless, caring, sensitive to all that you know
You bear your smile, never let the strain show
Yet all this giving is wearing you down
And through your smile, I can see your frown

I can feel your pain, frustration and despair
Craving respect, wanting all of them to care
About the tension they are creating in your days
If they just did as they should it would all go away

I crave with all my heart for your happiness to flourish
Your soul and spirit and love to be nourished
All your wishes, desires and needs to be satisfied
Never again for your patience to be tried

Wandering Mind

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:35:06 -0400

Ever question everything that you thought was true
Wondering the purpose in everything you do
Do you feel alone and empty in your heart
Waiting for the love and happiness to start

Wishing to escape to a place free of lifes stress
Where you dont have to worry about being the best
Free from emotions, heavy burdens we bear
Wanting to feel that someone really cares

Its at these times I turn to the simplest things
Like a butterfly floating on spotted wings
Sunsets golden in comforting hues
Or feeling the evenings settling dew

A roller coaster it seems this life that I have
One moment happy the next so very sad
A happy balance is what I wish could find
Instead of this forever wandering questioning mind

Purple Pig Full of Glee

Thu, 7 Aug 2008 13:53:55 -0400

The little purple pig went flying through the air
Drifting along without a single care
A dream to fly she has always had
To feel happy and free and never sad

Not sure how she got here, she continues to soar
Enjoying the feeling, she only wants more
Her little twisted tail wiggling with delight
A smile across her face on her virgin flight

What are you doing? she hears in the corner of her mind
Flying around like you have all this time?
A magenta giraffe is speaking directly to her
Still trying to focus, he seems in a blur

What do you mean? she asks ever so calm
Whats there to do besides floating around?
She rolls over, tummy now soaking up the sun
Arms backstroking, having so much fun

There are things to do, people to see
No time for your thinking of ME ME ME
Your selfish ways really need to stop
The giraffe snorts, This is over the top

Seeing clearly now, the pig floats by the giraffe
Looking in his eyes, as she begins to laugh
Take life too serious, and surely you will die
Stressing and anxious, all you can do is cry

Ive lived that life once she continues to speak
Moping and crying for weeks and weeks
Now I will do as I have always desired
Which is keep on floating higher and higher

Drifting higher she leaves the giraffe below
Smiling and merry, letting her happiness show
Here and there if youre lucky youll see
A floating purple pig bursting with glee

Aching Clown

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:44:32 -0400

My heart aches, wretched pain inside
I want to run away forever to hide
From all those who hurt me, use me for there own
Its this whole world, I wish to disown
Emotions exhausted pushed to the brink
Screaming for something, its hard to think
Longing for clarity, peace in my soul
Yearning really, for a sense of control
Tears flow freely, stream down my face
Such a disappointment, utter disgrace
I feel a failure in all that I do
Questioning the meaning, I have no clue
Why am I here? And what really for?
An emotional mess on the bedroom floor
A terrible emptiness consumes my whole being
To the point where I start to have no feeling
Through the motions I continue to go
Emotionless zombie out of control
Contradicting everything I say and I do
Handing out meaningless I love yous
Trapped in a cycle spiraling down
Just another retarded disfigured clown

Maybe

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:21:19 -0400

Lost and confused in a world she cant understand,
Drowning in a world of water, with no land.
Struggling to keep adrift, shes losing all hope.
A million thoughts and emotions, she cannot cope

Her true self is buried deep within, never to return
Wishing to be accepted, her looks her only concern
Afraid of being rejected, of being permanently scarred,
She wears a blank mask to keep everything barred

Smiling on the outside, slowly dying on the inside,
People ask if she is okay and of course she lied
Longing for the pain to stop. Oh, how it can sear.
Unfortunately no one, not even her, can discover a cure.

Regretting her past, she desperately tries to forget
She attempts to just burn it, but it hasnt lit.
It will not stop haunting her, tormenting her
Hopefully the make-up and booze can make it a blur

Feeling so alone, how she longs for a real friend
But the disease, loneliness, seems to have no end
Thinking that no one loves or cares about her at all
Slowly losing control shes beginning to fall

Pain seems to stalk her, for eternity it will stay
Pondering the thought, doubting if she go another day
Swallowing her pills, she ask where did happiness hide
Looking at the world around her, becoming horrified.

Maybe someday, somewhere, she can discover land
Maybe her true self can come out and take a stand
Maybe she can find a cure, and stop all the pain
Maybe she can become a friend, and lose the chain

Stormy Skies

Mon, 26 May 2008 22:16:16 -0400

The sky is so beautiful, blues mixing after the storm
There really is no structure, no shape nor form
Clouds floating by, golden rays try peaking through
Darkness settles in as the grass accepts the dew

Night winds whisper, there are changes in the air
Hair flowing free, she sits alone in an old chair
Crickets sing, and angels wings swooping in
As grasshoppers jump, resting on the shed of tin

Prayers silently whispered, yet her lips remain still
Breezes blowing playfully, her skirt blows at will
Longing for comfort and love, straight forward she stares
The chill in the air, on her skin, she no longer cares

Off in the distance rolls thunder, then a flash in the sky
Reminiscent of her pain, that has floated on by
No longer does she feel, not the love or the pain
So tired is she of playing lifes twisted little game

Rain gently falls again, hiding tears streaking her face
A flood of emotions begin to pour through open gates
No longer composed, her shoulders begin to shutter
For heavily weeping still no sound she utters

Melt me away, away from this world she begins to pray
She shouts Ive done my time, I cant take another day
Collapsing at her knees then curled up on the ground
Her body convulsing as she doesnt make a sound

Orange golden rays, the morning sun peaks its eyes in the sky
Illuminating that old rusty chair that should be by her side
Not matter how close you look; its her youll never see
For on that stormy night is when she ceased to ever be

Raining Inside

Sat, 3 May 2008 00:08:56 -0400

I look in her eyes and see her soul
Empty, lonely and out of control
Sadness consumes her, brings her down
Most days feeling as if she'll drown
Constant doubts about herself and her life
Worries that devour her causing strife
She wonders of the day when she won't care
What others say and do, why life's not fair
She needs the strength to carry herself high
Confident, loving, complete peace inside
This bottomless pit where she seems to hide
Her emotions control her, she just sighs
Barely able to function, tears on her cheeks
A terrible feeling going on for endless weeks
She takes her medication, sedating the pain
Watching, waiting, for the end of the rain
Someday she'll know it was always inside
The happiness she seeks and thought had died
No longer dependent on others to fill her heart
From her pain she will begin to part

Endure

Sat, 3 May 2008 00:06:32 -0400

When my heart is crying and all seems lost
I smile to the world and hide at all cost
I can feel the tears well in the depths of my eyes
As I keep my composure and try not to cry

On the outside my wall is as thick as can be
But thin as glass when you look inside of me
Emotions swirling, wrapped around my soul
Pulling me down, taking me out of control

This monster that eats me from the inside out
Filling my mind, my thoughts full of doubt
I know the way, the path I must take
But to know for certain, that is what I ache

Still I wonder if I will ever know for certain
Or if always I'll live beneath a heavy curtain
Of self doubt and disintegrating thoughts
Constantly depressed and distraught

Surely it is not meant that I must feel this way
For the rest of my life, all of my days?
A glimmer of hope that my futures not so dim
A future of love and happiness, not so grim

One day this demon will release its grasp
Hopefully it's near and happens fast
For one more day of this pain to endure
To continue this life, I'm not so sure